Monday, December 17, 2007
This Friday, I came home from work and fell nearly in deep despair and panic, as Christmas draws near and I have not done a bit of Christmas Shopping. I know it is not all about the gifts, but as a mother wanting to give to her Children and having no extra money at that moment to do so, I was feeling pretty low. We are waiting for a check for Jarrod to come....and I was hoping it would come on Friday and it did not. I went in my room and cried, I cried for so many reasons. Cried that we have had to move so much. That we have really no connection with our ward--we have a wonderful ward, don't get me wrong. I cried because, I missed having close friends. I cried more for my kids who are so wonderful and deserve so much that I cannot give them. I cried because Jarrod was once again out of work and cried because I am so unsure of our future.....Cried because I felt so alone. I almost felt like Heavenly Father has forgotten me, then, I thought of how lucky I am to have a healthy family and a roof over my head, and then I cried because I felt guilty for wanting more. Then out of the blue my best Friend that I have had since I was 3 called and said I am coming to get you....She had no idea I was feeling this way. She took me out of my despair. She told me she knew something was a matter. She so kindly bought me some much needed groceries and warm clothes for the kids--I tried to talk her out of it and acted like we really didn't need anything, but she insisted. She kept asking me what was wrong. I know she was prompted to call me that night. I was able to wrap some gifts and put them under the tree. I so wish that I didn't have to accept such a a generous gift, but so grateful she was there for me when I thought all was forgotten. She is my angel....I know Heavenly Father never forgets his children. I really needed someone that night, someone that would not judge my family and knows me. She heard my cries and helped me. She let me pour out my fears and have my pity party without making me feel bad for doing so...... Thank you Heavenly Father for hearing a mother's cry.....I know that you have given me so much, and I shouldn't have felt the way I did. Please forgive me and I am so grateful for answered prayers. I know how blessed I am, and that you answer all of my prayers. Thank you for friends who know me, and loves me anyway.